So hard to speak...

When I got up this morning I had a few things I was going to blog about. I got online and wandered first, like I usually do. I saw on another site someone mentioned Sandy Hook.....and that the lighthouse was damaged from the hurricane. And later on I came on FB and saw my niece say she felt so bad for those at Sandy Hook. I thought that was strange. I know the hurricane hit NJ but did something else happen? And then I saw my daughter say something on her page. This was strange. There is a Sandy Hook beach and light house in NJ. I know, I used to go there.....so what was going on?

And so I googled it and was stunned to hear about the shooting.....and the name of the school. Funny how so many things are named Sandy lately. But as I watched what unfolded, my heart hurt. And so I haven't posted till now.

I told my children and grandchildren online  that I wish I was there to hug them. My arms feel pretty empty atm with this going on. And I wanted them to know I was thinking of them and hugging them in my heart all day. I think many moms, grammas, fathers, grampas, aunts and uncles are doing that today.

Little angels were killed today by a man playing God. Consider yourself very blessed if you can hug yours.

Then and Now........

This morning me and the man were chatting about stuff we saw online. I mentioned a picture I saw somewhere the other day that totally disturbed me. It was from long ago when there were trucks that would roam the neighborhoods to fog them for mosquitoes. He didn't remember anything like that from where he lived but I did.

Those trucks spewed out DDT and many kids thought it was just foggy and they ran behind it. I wondered how many of those kids died because of that. I hated the smell of it so I would run home, close all the windows and doors till it all passed. Now I have endometriosis which they think may be caused by DDT exposure. I stayed inside.......those kids didn't. What did they get from it? Its scary.

But it made me think of so many things we did as kids that they cant do today. When I think of it I realized that so many kids truly don't get to have a childhood. We used to be able to play outside all over our neighborhood and in any weather. Kids today don't even go outside much. The "fear" of someone abducting kids is huge and parents are the bad guys no matter what happens. A parent cannot sit outside with a kid every time hes out there. And kids do not learn how to be responsible and self reliant because of that.

I used to ride my bike all over the place, including going to the next town where my aunt lived. I could walk to the store a few blocks away to get candy, or a soda or an ice cream. I just had to tell my folks I was going, I didn't need a cell phone to keep in touch. We played outside till 11pm. Didn't have to worry about city curfews or cops. We could play hide and seek in the dark in the summers and our parents were ok with it if we stayed on our block. We could stay out late to catch lightning bugs and tell stories and talk on our porches too.

You could play in the rain and jump in puddles and the gutters too. And be outside playing all day in the snow till your lips were blue. ...building forts and having snowball fights and sledding. Today the kids cant handle the cold....and the whiny sissy kids run home to mommy if someone gets them with a snowball. Then mommy comes over to complain and threaten lawsuits. And kids had fights and parents rarely got involved unless there was lots of blood. Cuz they knew that if they got involved, 5 min. later the kids were friends again and the parents never spoke to each other again lol. Today they threaten to sue or get the police or call CPS on them.

We could play ball in the streets or roller skate and nobody complained unless the ball went in their yards. Cars respected kids being out there. Today very few streets are safe cuz there's not many small neighborhoods left. The streets are busy and cars don't stop for anything or anyone so you better move. You could go to a park by yourself and nothing would happen to you. Today no one is allowed to be there alone and parents are considered bad if they let the kids do that. You could drink from the hose outside too and not have to worry about GERMS lol . Today everything is germy and could kill you. Gosh we survived that so why cant they ?

Teachers were respected cuz they could put you in the corner if you were bad or even get your folks to come in. You didn't want your folks to come in cuz you knew you would get it even more when you got home. And everyone knew everyone else too so anywhere you went , someone saw you and would report your doings to your folks before you ever got home. Now no one knows anyone and they don't want to know them either. My dad knew the principal of my school. And my Uncle was the Fire Chief in my town. They knew everyone and everyone knew us and watched out for us but also ratted us out to parents if we did something wrong. Today kids are so disrespectful they don't care who sees them. They just do what they want and take what they want. The parents cant discipline them cuz that makes them bad parents according to the govt and schools now so CPS gets involved to make sure little Johnny's ass doesn't get paddled even tho he desperately needs it.

And a big box was the best toy you ever got. First it was a fort for you and your friends. For me it was a pirate ship lol . And then when it broke apart, we took it down a grassy hill sliding all the way, and getting all dirty. Yes dirty......have you seen any dirty kids around your house lately? Dirt wont kill ya. lol And then we would go to a friends house and hose the dirt off us and not worry about mom getting mad that we were wet now. Oh and we were tired and hot and sweaty so we drank from it too.

And if you were lucky somebodies mom would bring some lemonade outside for all of you or even a snack. And nobody had to worry about getting in trouble for eating it or getting sick. My gramma would bring lemonade and cookies on the porch for me and my friends, when I would spend summers with her. Homemade lemonade made with tap water and real sugar and lemons. Who knows if they were organic lol who cared? And my Italian next door neighbor would often make us fried dough sprinkled with cinnamon when she was going to make pizza. We loved it.

We played with bugs and worms, dug in the dirt, collected rocks and other treasures in our pockets. We slept with the windows open in the summer cuz there was no AC and nobody died from the air and nobody was killed. Try doing that today.

I tried to give my children a childhood and now that they are older, they have thanked me for it. They see whats going on out there and are grateful their lives were not like that. Sadly my grandchildren wont have that life tho.