Doing Dishes

Don't know who's child this is, I snagged it off the web but its just too darn cute! Start em young!

Ive been rereading an old book of mine called Moving On by the author who did Simple Abundance. I like her books and the form too. Like a daily digest , its a page or two of an idea. At the moment shes talking about the changes in women's lives that happened when Woman's Liberation came about and how it affected her mother and others. She spoke tho of all the kitchen things we do as wives and mothers and how important they are or were to some of us. I am one of those. Id rather be home than working because I still felt like I needed a wife when I was working. There is a lot of work to do running a decent home and doing two full time jobs was exhausting.

But I thought about my life and for some reason doing dishes popped up in my head. I really hate to do dishes and I'm very grateful for dishwashers these days. But I started to wonder when did that change.

When I was a kid, I'm the oldest, and mom worked, so I had to do the dinner dishes most nights. I washed and my baby brother when he was old enough, would dry them. Back then we didn't have a dishwasher. You had to hand wash and hand dry or at least let them dry in a rack. We never had a big kitchen and my folks liked things neat so dishes were never left to dry on their own.

I hated to wash the dishes, since I also had to make the dinner so it would be ready when my folks got home from work. I had already done a day of school and my homework. I just wanted to have fun. And so my brother and I would get silly sometimes while doing the dishes. But mostly I remember him being a pain in the ass and giving me issues with doing it lol. There are 7yrs between us so there was a lg. enough gap that it was like being his mom at times. But we would get the job done.

But I thought back to when there were holidays. Because there were no dishwashers the women would gather in the kitchen after a big family dinner to clean up. I was always amazed at what would take me and my brother so long , was finished so fast with many hands. And any girl old enough to do it was recruited too. I didn't mind those times. I had many Aunts so the kitchen was full of women. Each would grab a dish or pot or whatever as fast as it was washed and stacked on the table if they didn't know where it went. Mom would put it away later on.

But I loved the family fun then, the talking and joking, and I was included too. I was part of the coven lol. I realized this morning that I miss that. I miss so many of those family times. I moved away so young. All the aunts are gone now, but I do remember them.

And then dishwashers came into our lives. My folks are the kind that do dishes right after dinner. I'm not. I work so hard putting a meal together when there is company that I just want to enjoy that dinner with friends and family. And so I stack things in the kitchen and wont let anyone do the dishes. Some have even started rinsing things off and I stop them. Maybe I shouldn't have but for me, by then I'm very tired and the thought of doing dishes overwhelms me. Besides I go thru all that work to prepare a grand meal and have company. ...I want to enjoy it all.

And so I realized that while the times were fun, I missed out on that kitchen bonding too....the female times of bonding. I never saw it that way tho. You see once I started working in a restaurant, I realized just how hard the cook works. And so when my guests came for dinner , I did NOT want them to work. And when I go to others homes I don't want to do your dishes either lol. I want to be a guest. Oh not cuz I'm lazy but because after working in that field, everyone wants help in the kitchen when I'm there.

Now I do help with the meal if they ask but in my own house when someones asks do I want help with dishes, I say no. I say that because I want them to enjoy it all...to be MY guest. And so I want the same for me. When you cook for a living you never seem to get to be the guest. Heck when you cook for a living many don't even want to invite you over to eat cuz they feel intimidated. They don't think what they make could make me happy and I really hate that. I was a mother and home cook long before I became a chef. And I'm still a home cook looking for short cuts and using fast food ingredients when I can. I'm not so special but they think so. So they don't think their food measures up to mine......but I have to tell you I have asked for recipes many times for things they make that are awesome. So don't let anyone intimidate you in the kitchen.

And so the art of washing dishes seems to have gone away. Even here in the new house when I have had company and many hands to do the dishes ,  I still say no. To me if someone else does my dishes, I still spend so much time telling them where things go that I could do them faster myself. But I have to wonder if maybe I'm really missing out on bonding time by doing that.

These days cuz my SIL has a houseful of kids, we have been doing the big holidays at her house. They have a carriage house/garage that is perfect for everyone to sit down and eat together. And so everyone helps bring stuff out to the tables and brings it back into the kitchen when we are done. And all the kids do the dishes. I'm getting old now and I really like that. I get to be a guest even tho I'm still cooking and bringing things and helping in the kitchen.

I waited my whole life to be one of the aunts who gets to sit and enjoy.....but  I have mixed feelings about the dishes still. I miss the women yakking and bonding part but I still hate to do dishes. Guess it was the end of an era and I was just lucky to be a part of it.